(HALLOWEEN CHALLENGE 2016) Dave can't afford to protect his sanity when he meets a young woman who needs his help at an insane asylum. Her story intrigues him, but what intrigues him more is the promise she makes him keep, to save someone he loves more than anything......
Characters: Dave Mustaine,David Ellefson
[G] - Adult content - WIP - Last update: 10/25/16
Chapters: 5 - Words: 18,948 - Hits: 146x22x9x6 Download in MOBI format|
This is it, Jesse thinks. This is where I keel over from dehydration. Right here by the front door. They'll find me a month from now. Some meth-head will wander in here looking for a place to tweak and find my carcass laying in the dirt. The crows will have pecked out my eyes by then. The buzzards will have yanked half the meat off my bones. It's a good thing I brought my wallet, because without my driver's license, I'd just be roadkill in jeans and nobody would know who I am. The flies will be on me by the thousands....
The boys troop up and down the dull slate greyness of the London streets, yelling for customers, their bare feet slapping against the roughly cobbled pavements, wielding their brushes and metal scrapers with aggressive flourish that serves to keep their scantily clad limbs from feeling the bleak chill of early winter.
You are an absolute master at imagery, especially how you describe something in such a unique way early on and then keep referring back to and building upon the representations until it just comes alive. Everything is put in such exquisite, painstaking detail. But I could say that about all your chapters. I loved the ominous feeling I got when the phone died despite being charged. I don't know if you meant it to reference fleeting mortality/ life-cut-short, but that's what it said it me, and now I'm not too sure they're all going to make it out alive. My favorite thing about horror in general is the gradual but eventual break-down of the human being, in not only the body but the mind. The characters here are slowly moving towards their breaking point (and, in a couple of their cases, have met it) and we get to watch them unravel and expose their innermost, primal emotions. I also loved how the last paragraph of this chapter mirrored the end of the last one, with Jonas' hands on the kneeling Anders' shoulders as the ravens circled like Jonas's father did with him. It carried over that chapter's surrealism very nicely. —speakingez, for Highway Joe's The Violent Sound of Snow
Poor Molly :) But Charlie needed that final surprise all to herself for sure. This chapter WAS short, but also very sweet. I'm looking forward to more adventures with Charlie, Dave, and that cherry chapstick soon ;) —rockingandwriting, for Foodislife's Don't worry